Mar 10, 2011

Beth I know you're lonely.

I love airports as much as I hate them.
Everytime I step into one, theres always people to look around to and see people meeting each other; new stories starting.
Makes me think about what's gonna happen if I ever leave, and how my stories gonna start but end at the same time.

The show LOST has been a huge part of me for almost 2 years now, and everything that happened on that show was because of a plane journey. Now its impossible for me to relate every single life occurence with that show.
The one I can relate to most is Kate. Confused, determined and completely over-emotional.
Yesterday I watched the one where Kate see's the black horse in the jungle and thinks its Wayne. Thats when it finally hit me. If Kate's that strong girl who follows Jack and Sawyer into the jungle everytime theres polar bears running around somewhere there, then how come she's the little girl who cries when she see's her dad after he betrayed her?

Inside all of us, theres that little girl that keeps coming back to us everytime our guilty conscience rises. Only for me, I think I only have a little girl inside of me.
I hope it stays.

This is for that girl who knows that every single person is beautiful in their own way. This is for that girl who gets up every morning to look in the mirror, smile and tell herself to live for today. This is for that girl who can't lie even if she closes her eyes hard enough to bite out the tears. This is for that girl who's heartbeat gets faster even though she isn't close to him. This is for that girl who smiles and holds her head high even when her head feels worse than a broken record. This is for that girl who still plays with torn puppets and beheaded barbie dolls. This is for that girl who runs for the wind, and not for the calories. This is for that girl who looks beyond the ocean, and finds no difference in the sea and the sky. This is for that girl inside of me, the girl who I can easily find. This is for that girl, who will always be a part of mine.

He comes home, saturated in rain.
and plugs the night lamp into its socket 
Even though he cant see or think straight,
He takes his phone out of his back pocket.

Heartbeat racing, his pulse echoes
as he dials the number he knows too well
I wonder if shes home tonight,
If she's not, I promise I won't tell.

Two rings, three rings, until he finally hears a sound
"Hello?" she says
He clamps his hand over the phone and looks in the mirror
What should I say, What should I say

Time freezes, as his eyes look into his reflection
And time stops as the clock take him back
Back to the day,
When the sun never went down.
Back to her.

School ended a really long time ago, but their parents were stuck in traffic. It would be atleast a matter of an hour. Holding nothing except a history book, her legs felt like they were going to give if she didn't sit down. Ofcourse, he was too cool to notice her. Senior year, popular as hell, the only thing he had to worry about was his hair gel running out. That was his idea of a crisis. Still, she walked. Every footstep she had to think of a way to say something, something to get his attention, something smart but not flirty, something sweet but not stupid. Her heart stopped just the second her footsteps did, because he didnt expect her to say something, he didn't move his bag. He just looked up at her, absorbing in all the make up, the tied up hair with strands hanging out everywhere, the half open bag and those enormously big brown eyes. He couldn't sum her up. Who was this girl? She stood there smiling, feeling the stress in her shoulders draining out. She couldn't smell the cigarettes in his hair, but she could see the smoke in his eyes. She knew he wouldn't move, and that she couldn't fall into another beautifully overrated trap.

So she walked away.
He zoned back in, and stared into the miror
The smoke leaked out of his eyes,
but the memory stays.

A week later, he finally called her,
and if he didn't say something now
She'd be gone, just like a handful of sand
So he smiled, and said

Sometimes words arent enough, because our emotions showcase silence best.

- Aarushi

Feb 19, 2011

baby its cold outside

SO Im on the other side of the earth now,
just for a few days though; which is definitely a shame.
I got back from a party thing a few minutes ago, and suddenly it seems like it was ages ago.
All I feel like doing right now, is getting back out in the -2 degrees with just a thin cardigan for warmth and just walk on and on and on and on till the sunrise.

A huge part of my life has been music.
Its hard for me to function without it, almost impossible.
Especially lately, all I've wanted to do is get away, you know? So today just before the party I went for a massive walk. It was scary, because I realized I was lost in about 2 minutes as I started walked.
But something about Eminem, something about his music just seemed so chilled,
like someone had pushed a white fluffy pillow under my head and I was just lying in the middle of no where, in a semi conscious phase.

Half in this world, half in a world I'm absolutely clueless about.

So I walked in the freezing wind, through houses and parks and buildings and clubs, until I reached the peak of a hill I realized I hadn't even climbed. The sea was stretched beneath my feet, like a blanket stretched out so far until it touched the sky. But I think the best part were the mountains. They were enormous, so so so big with snow all over them.

So I stood there, with the loudest music booming in my ears and the wind biting into my ears. It was the most moving moment I've had since I've been here.

I may be eccentric, or someone that takes some time to open up,
but today was different.
38 minutes till midnight, I wanna take a walk.

- Do you think in another life, I could've been a bird?
You know, like re - incarnation.
Say I'm a bird?
Say it.
You're a bird.
Yeeah, now say you're a bird.
Well if you're a bird, I'm a bird.

Pray with me , pray with me so I can be a bird,
and fly to you. 

Feb 2, 2011


EWW okay so having braces is the most annoying thing ever :/
I cant chew or drink water or bite my lip;
which i do a little too much.
So ofcourse I went to my favourite road (:
Its peacefull there,
and even though its getting warmer,
I wish i could rewind back to winter cos that was my favourite bit of 2010.

The road goes on forever, and the music in my ears gets faster as i walk.
If i ever leave, my footsteps will still stay on the granite.
Cos the more I take, the more I leave behind.
And when I fall asleep at night, my dreams will be clear
Clear like the air i took in while I was on that road
Im always gonna remember that road.

-- Why is it we always fall for our best friends? Is it because we know we can trust them? Is it because we know them so well? Is it because of the way they know exactly what's going on in our heads? Or is it because they are there any day, anytime, anywhere without the promise of kisses, intimate touches or whispered sentiments of love? I think we love them because they are there when there is nothing in it for them except for that little glimmer of hope that maybe someday there will be.
-- Me? I'm scared of everything. I'm scared of what I feel, of what I've said, of who I am, but most of all I'm scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my life the way I feel when I'm with you.

90210; Im SO hooked.

Jan 28, 2011

Way too deep in.

Today I drank all the ocean,
I drank every single bit
And even though i was drowning,
I was comfortable
Cos I knew my soul was at the surface
Today I swam deep inside the sea
So deep my eyes turned deep blue
Nothing I could see
Nothing I could hear
Except the three words
beating to the sound of my pulse.

Today I turned away from the shore
and let go off you for the first time
I could feel myself breathing
But how could I swim further
Knowing there were two worlds I could choose from?

Today I swam deep inside the sea

So deep my eyes turned deep blue
Nothing I could see
Nothing I could hear
Except the three words
I miss you.

Jan 13, 2011

Colorful Icing

I just love a happy ending.
Whether its about a mother finally seeing her little kid smile and tell her all about his day at school,
or a nervous, simple teenage girl going on her first date in her freshman year, after spending hours at home in front of the mirror, using up the entire acne cream her mom just bought her to just look good, and feel good.
Cos those 5 hours, sitting on the uncomfortable bathroom seat with curlers literally ripping the roots of her hair out, squashed tomato and lemon smeared over her face because some website said it would  make her skin glow?
They changed how she felt, and at the end of all of that? She was happy.
And thats how it changed her life.
I could read Born to Run - by  Michael Muporgo uncountable times because just the spark in that book and the happiness Alfie feels when he's running with BrightEyes, isn't that what freedoms about?

People say that happy endings only exist in fairy tales.
But I'm looking at my life right now, and I've got an evil witch trying to boss me around. I've got those evil friends who cut up all my dresses so I can't be Cinderella at the next dance. I've got the prince charming I know that I'm never gonna end up being with.
But hey.
Snow white almost died and survived, right?
Cinderella walked home on a single glass slipper and didnt get blisters on her feet.
Sleeping Beauty slept forever and didnt miss out on too much.
And they all lived happily ever after.
So maybe, just maybe
I can too.
Its not about the fake smiles and the striking poses you put on when you're placed in front of a camera lens.
Its not about that one day where everyone made you feel good about yourself and you feel like the most important person in the world.
But just like Alfie and BrightEyes, its about the freedom.
Cos in the end, before I go to sleep forever?
Its not gonna be about all the bad days,
its gonna be about how i brought myself up and smiled because i knew that everything was going to be all right :)

The other day, i told the school bus to wait for me and I ran half way across school to meet this someone.
When I ran, i felt like electricity. I felt static, with my hair in my face and everything. I felt like BrightEyes running beside Alfie.
Faster and faster, faster and faster.
And just for that split second when I stopped and smiled,
I knew I'd already had my happy moment,
and this one would last forever.


May 25, 2010

The white box

Looking down, looking up. 
Looking left, looking right. 
Counting from 10 to 1 in my brain. 
Thoughts bursting out from every corner of my heart, 
But I keep my eyes fixed on the pavement. 

I knew it had to go wrong sometime, but not like this. 
Walking into that white box was a mistake, but all I did was smile and get past it. 
You shoved past me, and tried to hurt me with all the strength you have. 
Funny thing is, white means peace. But you never had peace carved in your plan. 
Time was ticking, and I had to leave, but seeing you standing there, with revenge in your eyes, something held me back.

Practical jokes and pranks make me laugh, but having one played on me wasn't a good experience. 
Watching you do this to me didn't scare me, it just drew me away from you. 
So now I walk up to you, and look straight into your eyes. 
Instead of seeing hate or revenge, all I see is jealousy.
I try to make things better, but you do something outrageous. 
Something I never thought you would do. 

I want to laugh at you, and put you down in front of everybody,
but all I can feel in my numb body are my shaky legs, itching to run. 
I dive past the crowd, and break through the white box, out into the real world. 

I run faster than the wind would carry me, 
Until I realize I've been running in a circle.
Looking down, looking up. 
Looking left, looking right. 
Counting from 10 to 1 in my brain. 
Everything ends at 0, doesn't it?

So I walk back into the white box, knowing that the only thing I can do to solve my problems is to run straight at them. 

White means peace, and two queens can never have two white flags high up in the air. 
But nothing ends without a start.

Feb 26, 2010

Chase your dream.

The desert is finally back to how its supposed to be. March is settling in, and time is going by faster than a raindrop racing down the window. Today, I realized how long it has been since I wrote. So i reflected back, looked through folders and folders of things I have written in the past, and I guess I'm writing again :) Not really sure what to write about, but this is an attempt:

She had gone through months and months of pressure, looking at the world through other's eyes, trying to change, yet trying to find herself. Technology was changing faster than the weather, and to take so many changes in, to learn so much was becoming way too much for her. So she took all her books, and locked them away in the waves of the ocean, and decided to follow her dream.
She didn't think a lot. She followed the footsteps of her concience, and believed that whatever happened was for the best. Her brain got distracted like a leaf on a windy day, and her heart was fragile like her mother's eyesight.
Unsure in her mind, determined in her heart, she set off on 26.02.2010.
She lasted through 2 nights of rain, 3 days of walking, and when she reached, she wasn't sure how to feel. Her thoughts seemed to float away with the forces of nature pushing her back.
Her world wasn't about rainbows and butterflies, it was about survival. She had to live for herself, and she felt amazing that she had chosen to do so.
5 hours, she sat on the edge of the highest cliff she had ever seen, thinking, reflecting, and smiling at times where she had thought her life would be the same, forever.
Love. Something distant, something shiny.
Silent, like a peice of sky. So silent that it can say a million words.
Something beautiful. Something she missed.
When the sun started to set, and the wind started to feel like blocks of ice against her dry skin, she decided it was time.
Unhesitant, scared but eager to see what happened, she stood up, and looked down to a vast sea, filled with shockingly white, stratus clouds.
Taking a deep breath, she dove headfirst into the sky.
And she flew.

There are 2 types of people in this world. (Na theres a lot but its a figure of speech), those that think way too much, and spend their life trying to find out about other people, and people that learn to follow their dream, and become who they want to be.
Hmm I should start writing again. Its fun. :] Haha.

-I colori del cielo aren' di t special così quanto l'amore nel mio cuore :)

-All credits to Priya for the amazing picture. :)

Listening to: Snow (Hey Oh) - RHCP
Eating: Bubble gum.
Reading: Like the flowing river - Paulo Coelho.